Atticus Finch: A Man's Man

Recently I've been reading To Kill A Mockingbird. The book has moved me in countless ways. In particular, it has spoken to me about what it means to be a father and a man.

What I love about Atticus is not only his willingness to suffer for his convictions, but his willingness to let his children suffer as well. Atticus is called upon to defend an African American for an alleged rape of a white woman. He knows his children will suffer for his decision to do what is right yet proceeds anyway. At one point in the story, he tells Scout, his daughter, that he would not be able to discipline her--at least not with integrity--if he did not fulfill his duty.

I find this action challenging to our own cultural assumptions. It seems as if many in our culture believe the worst thing that can happen to our children is that they suffer. Many parents hover near their children to protect them from any challenge or any pain they might experience. This approach helps no one in the end. In fact, I'm coming to believe that there's something much worse than our children suffering, and that's showing them that there's nothing worth suffering for.

This is related to another fear I have about our modern understanding of what it means to be a parent: Our lives are so intertwined with our children's that we don't know where their life ends and where our's begins. Too many parents live to make their children happy, which creates a perpetual childhood. Parents surrender their adulthood, trying to make their children happy, but in the end, give their children little worthy of aspiration.

Atticus is a different. He's a man with values. He's living his own life and inviting his children--gently and slowly--to become adults with him. By embracing justice in an unjust world, Atticus displays a character dedicated to living for what's good and true, even if the result is suffering.

So what am I after here?

To begin, I believe we need to let our children be children. Let them explore again. Give them more freedom. Let them play without adult supervision and let them solve their own problems. The world is safer--at least where we live--than any other time or place in history.

I also believe it's time for adults to be adults. We don't have to live our dreams through our children; we should have our own dreams. We don't have to be fixated on having trophy children; we should be setting examples for our children. We don't have to control their lives and monitor every step of their existence; we should let them figure out some things on their own. Last but not least, we can give up an adolescent desire to be liked, even by our children.

For in the end, if we're not adults, what can we possibly say or give that will really make a difference? It's time for us to become wise, to grow up, and invite our children to do the same. With nurture, patience and most importantly, wisdom and virtue, we can help our children see the world right.

Peace.